Ahhhh, trying to remain sane in an insane world - yeah right - the world is insane and we all have a propensity for insanity. In fact some of the most sane people I know, are insane.
Symantics and such aside, I want to say that I have had a rough couple of months and trying to come to terms with a series of adversities. I have reconciled my past which, is a great thing because I never thought I would!!! Now that I have hurdled past my past and am completely living in the present, I yearn to dream about my future BUT it is important to remember that the decisions we make today will lead us down the path to our future.
Why do I do that? Start talking about myself and then group me in with the rest of the world. I suppose it is keeping it real but really I want to write a sermon on the mount and make people think I know what I am talking about when really, I have no idea.
Ahhhh - let the Eunice blog commence now! So, as I see it...my past is finally reconciled and now I can talk about me in the present. Presently, I am working on the last few classes prior to graduation. I am currently enrolled in an introduction to education class because silly me decided to enroll in a double minor. Yes, I have completed all of the core courses toward my major - and I will graduate with a b average in my major (psychology) - this is a hard thing to digest considering how hard I worked in my core courses but there were times in which, life got in the way of my academic pursuits. A "B" is not so bad, I suppose.
So, yes, I am double minoring - Child development and Sociology. Valentine's Day 2011 will be my graduation date but I have the option of walking across stage with the class of 2011 in Clinton, Iowa. Is there anyone out there willing to put this redhead up for a few days in 2011? I am going to walk the stage come hell or high water.
Yay! Anyway, life - yes life for me has been a series of mistakes that have led me to this point. Yet, I can derive meaning and come to terms with a myriad of wonderful points. Yes, I have two beautiful children as a result of a crappy relationship and thank God that I never married the man. I can look back and state that I never truly loved the man. I thought I did but it was not love. It was co-dependence and unhealthy BUT I have two beautiful children so it was not ALL bad.
I have scars from the past that I would like to heal and they are slowly healing with every step I take toward a healthier lifestyle. By healthier lifestyle, I mean a psychologically and emotionally healthy prevalence and then I will work on the physical health. In actuality, physical health stems from a balance of healthiness in your psyche.....
Hmm... let me not go down that path. I am trying to keep this light and update as to where my life is going. Right now, my life is neither up nor down; I have opportunity to head down certain paths in life. I have a man that I am interested in but am not pushing toward anything. I am living on the hope that God will lead me down the correct path but hoping that I make the right decisions.
I have tools in my life's tool belt that I thought I had lost or forgotten how to use. I am happy in my life for the first time in what seems like forever. In fact, I do not remember ever being happy. I do remember being miserable because life was not working out the way I longed for. The thing missing was the idea that I have to work for happiness and not hope it will fall in to my lap due to circumstance.
I am no longer settling in and settling for. Over the course of the last two months, I had a psychotic break that lead me to a hospitalization. I suppose I needed this to bring me back to reality? Sincerely, I tell you - it needed to happen so I could further straighten my life out. It was good to finally be able to let it all out on the table and try to peice my life back together. Let's face it, over the course of the last few years, I have been through a series of life changes that would make anyone go off their rocker.
I am proud to say that I lived through it and have finally learned through experience that it is important to take care of myself and stop worrying about other's well being. SO - what's next for me? Who knows but I have goals and aspirations.
I mentioned I met a man....a man that I could be comfortable with, a man that I see as potential but due to my own experiences, I am frightened. Yet, I will digitize and refresh the MP3 that is playing in my mind that tells me I am not good enough and replace it with the idea that I deserve what I want. Yet, I sit here and wonder is this really what I want? I can't judge right now because what I want is just to build on our friendship. It is important to build that trust and friendship before venturing down any path with someone.
Yay - whatever. I am done with this blog because I am tired of typing...
So remember -
Take GREAT care of yourself both psychologically AND physically because they feed off each other. Psychological stress induces physiological changes to our immune systems.
Be good to others and it will return to you - (yes, Eunice believes in Karma)
Believe in yourself because acceptance and admiration starts with you....nobody else can live your life....and please do Live it to the fullest; that way, when you are old and staring down deaths door, you will have no regrets.
I have more rules of life but this will suffice for now.
XO
Eunice Crankyponts
Tags: Sanity Eunice Crankyponts
