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Posted On 05/22/2008 21:43:18 by steve

If you haven't alrerady noticed, I'm kinda (tiringly, I know, I know) obsessed with the out-of-doors right now. I've been hacking away at hills in my back yard, rescuing the hundreds of non-blooming tulips from hard-packed nutrientless earth, and hefting big rocks hither and thither. I got a vision y'all, and can't seem to blink.

Part of the vision, maybe 1/6th, maybe 1/8th, maybe even 1/11th, is tulips. Now hear this clearly my boos: I never thought of myself as a tulip feller. No. I was a big banana-leaf tropical rainforest hot wet hobbesian jungly kinda feller. See, my compass points only south. Literally & metaphorically both. But life has a way of containing yr dreams and turning yr fantasies.

I used to think tulips were big whoring short-lived beetroot tricks: pop out for a spring-heat quickie with a boatload of color and a big honking stamen and pistil fuckfest. Spring is in rut enough without these harlots helping us.

But then... well,,, you know, you just can't hold out forever. Their charm won me over. First the solids... Big pools of deep red and white... but then last year, for the first time, signalling the very end of my last bit of resistance, the funky ones.

Not mottled or dappled or variegated or anything stupid like that. But broken. That's what some people call them. Most know them by the aka "rembrandt."

One source says this: "the exquisite patterning of broken tulips is caused by a benign virus that causes the colors to break or separate without harming the bulb. It’s spread by aphids and other sucking insects."

True Rembrandt tulips are now illegal to sell, as result of this effects of the virus on other plants. But mock-rembrandts are available, and I'm guessing that's what I have in my back yard. Here is a picture. Suck on it good and long brothers and sisters. For it is purty.

Tags: Tulip Virus Rembrandt


Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Comments

05/22/2008 22:26:58

by the way you don't dminister you "A"dminister this here website and I like that you like to play in the dirt and think of such things as a pistil and stamen fuckfests!

WOW, you amaze me - Eugene/Steve! 

05/22/2008 22:24:35

That there flower is  purty but why are you hacking away at our Hils - she did nothing to you.... roflmao.


Yes, yes, I entertain myself even.

Steve, that is one beautiful tulip and your blog reeks of subliminal sexuality - I love love love it.


Glad to hear you are getting some air and taking short breaks from dministering this website, don't be gone too long tho' - yo!




05/22/2008 22:06:34
That is really very pretty!

Slow down tomorrow and have a few drinks!

05/22/2008 22:00:20

That is a beautiful tulip. I've never been a big fan of red or yellow tulips, because they look plastic to me.. I love the dull colored ones though.. Like, the purples and light peach and that one is really fecking sweet.

I wish our landlord would have let us keep our tulips now.

05/22/2008 21:52:48

Absolutely amazing, Steveles!



05/22/2008 21:51:11
Oh it is beautiful!  You are the man Steve!

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