DATE: 12/23/2007 17:58:08 / MOOD: angry

I have no pity for the poor f.ucks who base their every action on the possibility of making money. I have no pity for the poor f.ucks who wonder why someone would do something, if they weren't receiving payment. And I have no reverence for the pitiful mindstate of my family--the very family that believes I am too unhappy, while their happiness is governed by income, and ravaged due to living expenses. I'm supposed to be the cynical one, after all, I'm terribly bitter.

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DATE: 11/30/2007 18:02:46 / MOOD: sedate

Just something the ebb said to the flow one day...

We are falling, yet gliding
without wind in the sail
and the shapes beneath my eyelids
wear the colours of a peac.ock’s tail

You’ll have to forgive me for my inner outburst
you seem so experienced, you should go first
into the light, the cold which swallows minds whole
and projects the images onto the flesh of your soul
where your beauty is my nemesis I try to look away
but my eyes are not affected by the senses they betray

You’ll have to forgive me for leaving so soon
to mend the ripped seams of the mouth sewn to the moon
which speaks of times we should have shunned the gaze
of the stretching shadows in the sapphire haze
If your reflection in my words ceased to haunt me
I believe I could find a way to make you want me

Please take me in
It’s raining outside
give me a home,
a place to hide
from the horrors of the world
I now face alone
I’m a frightened stray animal
no shelter of my own

I’m stuck in a web that is spun between hearts
and constructed of true endings surrounded by false starts
My throat closed after the sky rushed in
because I swore I’d never promise you the stars again
You’re not there
and you won’t arrive
until you’re unsure
that I’m alive

This is the heartland of sublimation

And if you caught the wordplay in the title, congratulations; you're smarter than my immediate family.

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DATE: 11/30/2007 01:22:40 / MOOD: catatonic

And I've revised it so sane people can at least get past the fourth line.

Mother he said
welcome home
we’ve been waiting since the dawn of time. This time, not the time of time and space and the soup we made from the continuum is a bitter stew
the vegetables are pale and bloodless but still with bulging no, withering
veins covering the white surface of the moon/your eyeball.
Dancing for tomorrow dance for your life
your master demands it He also wants to speak with the manager the management staff
All insubordinate. Hello. What connotations does this word hold withholding information
Don’t you fishing act like you don’t know
Don’t you fishing dance for tomorrow
Aluminum cans provide me with very low sodium and it’s the American dream isn’t it?
To eat aluminum wire frame references, have a fast car crashing through the white picket fence White as an eyeball
Welcome back chewing gum
Oh it itches It’s an itch no one can scratch
“Scratch the goddamn itch”
I have been it’s forming a sore my flesh is all raw there in the itchy spot it won’t go away
Jesus loves me this I know God help me
Save us Crispin Glover
Coca-Cola Rock ‘n’ Roll Roll on Roll out
A rolling stone with moss
That’s unheard of
I have no home I’m a drifter No one wants me
No jobs, businesses. No women
oh especially unpopular among females
who’s the bitch
who is the bitch now
I may be sick in the head, yes, indeed sickness is only at its most belligerent when threatened by medicine That’s why I don’t bother with the pills and the powder and the paper There’s too much fishing paperwork
Stop giving me so much work my brain can only take so much
“She doesn’t like you” I know that I’ve always known that I just like to pretend I’m attractive
My brain can only take so much my ego is only so strong
in a box marked fragile
Please, stop talking
for the love of a god you don’t believe in close your mouths if you make such sounds with your mouth If you have a mouth what are you?
Sell your soul your cellular phone cell atom molecule ridicule pack-mule You have reception there is a reception after the wedding there will be refreshments That happens at funerals too
But if you come to a funeral for food you’re an awful person are you What’s so frightening about death The same thing that scares the sleeping (in lucid dreams) They wonder Am I awake am I awake Alive
Contrived Don’t die on me dammit
Goldfish baked snack crackers. Crackers and cheese refreshments at the Poor reception in this area and they haven’t called yet I have no time for this I have no time to manage my time properly
maybe I’m not cut out for life outside the shell
Re-enter the matrix you spineless bundle of false bravado yes let’s look down the rabbit hole lest we fall into something unpleasant Hey which colour pill was the safe one
I can never remember
Red or blue man the colorblind got a bad deal Did they now?
hell is here hell is here say hello to her
say hello to her hell to here It’s like hearing hell. It’s always screeching Screaming vomiting up metal Twisted metal molten
boiling oil in my eyes
Rorschach said to me
Be patient my son
and his test said to me “You are not as insane as you think you are why present yourself as such” because I am You lie you know what I see in those ink blots?
The conscious mind can’t even string together the words to describe such nightmare and your brain would explode anyway hey hey hey hey
Remember April? Remember how you were starting to find faith once again
Immemorial incorporeal Eyes loveless
disapproval
“She doesn’t even talk to me anymore” well look at me I’m talking to myself (in your head, though everyone does that) “Yeah you’re making yourself look crazy”
Certifiably
your fishing diagnoses your prognosis Certain letters have strayed away from the alphabet
Notably P it wants to peel itself from the key
(over my dead body)
Remember how she looked at you? I was starting to rediscover joy
Senseless all nonsensical interest gained
no sir, interest feigned
It rained a few days ago the ground’s not wet anymore the itch is back
This is no one in particular
Here I am what did I expect would come from this
Thumbtack in my thumb remove the splinter remove yourself from my sight
I live in CDs; I’m no more than data. Data discs never music discs Though I do love music all of it
Eclectic hectic haven’t eaten in days
I am sleeping
for once
art school has that effect on people The well-rested are now insomniatic and I sleep too late Why did it smudge what the hell There’s white-out over the entire sheet Off-white white-out Cream coloured. Weak beige
What is that
a bottle cap
Thank you
Set a trend set a date give me a time a place dear god invite me somewhere
Fishing typical The gate opens automatically, you know
string six D
others: detuned it’s the auditory equivalent of seeing one vomit
or would that be hearing one vomit? (only in surround sound)
My toe I’m going to have to amputate my own toe
I’m off-balance as it is (fisher) and my craftsmanship is terrible
like God’s
the worst craftsmanship in the history of the project “do not be self-deprecating in presentations” That’s all I know how to do
Oh she relates does she
because she’s seen similar things Stop being so positive this is an ugly world and I seem to choose simple things which contain no pleasure
My chicken is as dry as hell
If you don’t get sick of smiling, doesn’t your face? can’t you feel Dystopia
not the word I was looking for Dystrophy is closer
atrophy
a trophy on a shelf collecting dust I remember when I received accolade for my endeavors
 Let me sit inside and draw
let me sit inside and draw let me withdraw I’m not welcome out there with the laughter and the secondhand smoke
Withdrawal isn’t so bad once you get past the loss of control of your entire body the spasms the vomiting the shivering Oh it’s cold you have no idea how cold it is in here
Not the room don’t be ridiculous
in here. Within me my mind my brain my heart and the soul I never fishing had unless I did in which case I have no idea where it is
 What a rip-off Points for creativity, though (look at it it’s punctuation)
I saw the apostrophe you don’t have to point it out
the dry snapping of a twig
bone on bone It’s the same noise Sample it build a song around it
Crack crack
Crack snap Snap crackle pop
f.uck
I was sheltered from everything except the storm and look at me now
I’m all grown up and functioning so well. so, well, poorly
So a man had three knives and twelve blades and his psychiatrist told him he had dyscalculia, right?
How does he distribute the knives into his heart Evenly I mean blades to the knives
Freud you know nothing of love By the way, I found your lower jaw
it was lying next to Van Gogh’s ear which was in the refrigerator behind an obscene amount of Vitamin Water
the light goes out when  I shut the door The light comes on when I open my eyes
and when I open my eyes [I see ink spills] I wish I were a blind man
What colour are your eyes supposed to be
they’re looking back at me
only not and I’m looking at the ground
and I cannot decide what colour they are The ink never washes off my hands Once I scrubbed them until there was no flesh but the ink somehow remained The sink generates hands I think

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DATE: 11/30/2007 00:40:56 / MOOD: disappointed

does the < br > tag not make an actual line break here? I have a fair bit of text requiring line breaks.

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DATE: 11/02/2007 20:50:09 / MOOD: incredulous

So the only female redhead at my college is speaking with a group of people about having red hair, what it means biologically, and what it means societally. Now, this girl would often smile at me when we encountered each other, likely because of my own reddish hair, and so I feel inclined to join the group.

She mentions her compulsion to talk to other redheads she sees, and I state that I share that sentiment. She seems happy that someone else understands that connection. As the group disperses, I turn to her and ask if she knows what Mark Twain said about redheads.

She says "what," and I inform her, "Whereas the rest of humanity evolved from monkeys, redheads derive from cats."I should have foreseen her response:

"I hate cats."

"Well, you know Twain was a redhead, too," I begin, struggling to rescue myself, "he just went gray early on." An awkwardness grasped me, but I finished "...he must have liked cats."

"Yeah," she agreed. Then, after a second or two of silence, she turned and walked elsewhere.

The only female redhead. ...So now where can I look? lol

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