Craigslist personals never cease to amaze me.... especially from good
ol' Tulsa, Oklahoma. This guy is my favourite of all time... Not only
does he just spout total bull???.. but he has the audacity to state that he has no "issues"...
This is what he says:
Where Do All The Lonely Hearts Go...? - 29
Let's
see, I really don't know what to put here. It seems no matter what I
type, it just doesn't seem to do any good because I still get no
response. I don't get it. I'm gainfully employed and I make good money
at what I do. I'm a non-smoker and a social drinker. I have good
hygiene. I'm more romantic than anyone I know. I'm clean cut and I've
never had any trouble with the law. I work out every other day, if not
every day, so I'm in good shape. I have a good sense of humor. I'm a
nice looking guy, or so I'm told by everyone who has taken the chance
and met me in person. I'm always told my photos do me no justice. I've
taken a few college classes but I'm still working toward my degree. I
haven't any "baggage". I've been divorced and I have no kids of my own.
So, what in the hell is going on? Why am I on here instead of out
meeting someone? Simply because the bar and club scene just isn't my
forte. I mean, come on...how much can you truly believe what someone is
saying when they're on their 3-4-5th beer or shot?
Am I missing
something? All of what I've typed above is nothing less than Gods
honest truth. If you choose to respond, please do so with a photo.
I
would LIKE to find someone who takes care of herself physically. I
would LIKE to find someone who hasn't been popping out more kids than a
chicken does eggs. I like kids but damn, if you have more than 3 then
you're definitely not the woman for me. I would LIKE to find someone
who wants to be put upon a pedestal and spoiled to no end. I would LIKE
to find someone to whom the little things mean the most. I would LIKE
to find someone I can take care of when she's sick, when she's hurting,
when she's happy, when she's sad. I would LIKE to find someone for whom
I can wipe away her tears and kiss away her fears. I would LIKE to find
someone whom I could make her feel as though she's dancing without her
feet ever touching the ground. I would LIKE to find someone who is
spontaneous. I would LIKE to find someone to cuddle up with next to the
fireplace this winter. I would LIKE to find someone to take with me
Hawaii next summer.
One more thing in closing; I'm not
interested in paying to view your cam, or signing up on your site, or
sending money to you because you're "stranded" in some foreign country.
That's your own f*cking problem for getting yourself into that
situation in the first place. I'm not sending money to someone I don't
even know.
Okay... so he's divorced... likes kids... but
doesn't want them right now... has no issues but wants to have a girl
to hold because he's super lonely. But, he's been divorced... how does
someone who's had a divorce... not have issues? Explain this to me,
please. Oh, and he's online looking for a date because the bar scene
isn't his forte. Because... that is the only decent place in Tulsa to
meet someone... He can't just walk up to a girl while she's shopping or
reading a book in a coffee house and ask for their number. He's too
scared to do that... right. And the whole emphasis usage by
CAPITALISING the words ... is annoying.
So, Mr. Lonely Hearts, this is why no one responds to your ads.
1.) It's Tulsa craigslist....
2.) Number one should be enough.
3.) But since you're clearly braindead and need further explanation.. you portray yourself as incredibly desperate.
4.)
And to be further honest, comparing pregnancy and childbirth to that of
chicken popping out eggs... is a little bit on the majorly rude side of
things.
5.) Saying things like, "Blah blah blah I want someone to
take with me to Hawaii next summer" sounds incredibly as if you're
trying to impress someone....or bribe them. Either one. Ace, man. Ace.
Lyk ZOMG.
That's all.
XOXO,
Alicia
