Spread the Red
The seed of the idea behind Redhedd.com was planted in Redhead earth. We watered it and it grew and flourished and bore a Redheaded fruit, which was eaten by Redheads who travelled to foreign lands and sewed the seeds in exotic soils. For every three plants that sprout and flourish, two will be native and one will be Redheaded.
The Redhedd.com mission:
1. to save the Redheads. Hey everyone has to have a cause, why can't ours be a little more vain than the rest? So we're Redheaded and love Redheads. So what? No one's trying to save the narcissists here... Oh wait. Sure, we'll save the narcissists too while we're at it.
2. to not piss anyone off while we're at it.
The how: It's a two-step process, see, and imperialistic to the very core. First concentrate the Red, then spread it.
In order to save Redheads we have to mingle Redheads with Redheads, to concentrate the two genes that make Red hair so that every man and woman carries them. Bulk up the numbers until we've got Redheads coming out of our wazoos (literally), and then go on the offensive.
Spread the red. All this concentration can occur while or in anticipation of embracing what the old-schoolers call miscegenation or what we crazy kids call exogamy. That is, we're not seeking mere inclusivity as a guiding principle, rather, we want to focus our efforts on spreading the red. The first step is to to intramarry. The second is to intermarry.
Currently only 1-2% of the earth's population is Redheaded. We're going to change that. If you follow the redhedd.com 3-generation program, I guarantee you (or your money back) that we will be at or near 5-7% by the year 2080. Outside of that we expect to see 10% by 2120, and 20% by 2200. Hey, it may take a little while, but the wait will be worth it (and there will be plenty of work :) to do while biding our time).
We desperately hope that no one finds anything creepily eugenic about the Redhedd.com three-generation "spread the red" program. Because there's nothing especially "superior" about redheads that we're trying to force down any other nation's throats. It's just that they're so godawfully beautiful. But they can't help it. It's not their fault. In fact, many of them are as reluctant redheads as cats are bathers.
You don't hear anyone calling the whales imperialist swine do you? No one's picketing the Res and chanting "Hell no! We won't let the Native Americans take over the world!" (even though we know they want to) are they? That was a rhetorical question which I will not bother to answer for the sake of keeping this manifesto lean and/or mean. Suffice it to say then, that:
The sun will never again set on the Redhead empire.
Oh and also, this is our chance to, as Hugh Grant instructed Sandra Bullock in "Two Weeks Notice", loosen up a little.