Mommy's letter to Santa

By: BrandiLea Mood: befuddled Date: 12/08/2007 21:30:54 Music: None

This is something that I had from myspace as a bulletin, but I thought it was cute so I wanted to share.

Dear Santa,I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my childrenon demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.Here are my Christmas wishes:I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; butare strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month ofmy last pregnancy.If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprintresistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a televisionthat doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and arefrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy"to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother ," because my voiceseems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heardby the dog.If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough timeto brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury ofeating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brightenthe holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup avegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feetunder the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.Yours Always, MOM...!P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep mychildren young enough to believe in Santa.