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Mid (quarter?) life crisis!
Posted On 05/21/2011 21:29:27 by darkest_red

I'm getting scarily close to being 25.  I don't want to turn 25.  Don't get me wrong, actually being 25 doesn't bother me at all.  I've never really understood the big deal about age.  So you're getting older, what's the big deal?  It happens to everyone.  I mean, I do tease people about being the wrong side of 25 - even more so lately as there is limited time for me to do so! - but really it doesn't bother me.  Maybe it's because my parents are very blase about it too.  So actually being 25 doesn't bother me.  What does bother me, however, is that I have been on this planet for very nearly 25 years and I have nothing to show for it.  I don't have a great job.  I don't even have a decent job, really.  Everyone else I know is nicely settling into a career, or at least is at the start of it, and I don't even have a clue what I want to do.  I was a legal secretary a few years ago and thought that is what I wanted to do but in the last year or so, I realised the thought of spending the next 40 years in an office kinda makes me sad.  Fact is, if I'm going to spend 8+ hours a day at a job, I don't want just a "job".  I want something I can really throw myself into, I want a career, something that is satisfying, something that I am actually interested in.  And therein lies the problem as I don't know what that could be...and the ideas I have - there are a couple - are fairly unrealistic (not like astronaut-unrealistic, but just not that achievable for certain reasons).
I can't even distract myself with a relationship as I am oh-so-single.  A lot of the time that doesn't really bother me but lately it has.  I am just about the only single person I know currently.  And it's not like I'm expecting to be swept off my feet or anything - girls like me...well, we don't get swept off our feet.  There is no knight in shining armour - but pretty much everyone I went to school with - with maybe one or two exceptions - is either married or engaged.  Just about everyone I know that wasn't from school is in a serious relationship.  If you are currently in a relationship this might have passed you by, but it is pretty isolating being the only single one.  If you are in that position currently, you may well understand.  I've been feeling kinda lonely lately.  Sometimes I just feel like going out and doing something - anything - and more often than not everyone just wants to hang out with their partners or whatever.  Or they want their partner to go too and I hate being a third wheel!  I need more single friends!

I've been feeling so lost for a few months now.  And I know I have said this before and I don't want to be one of those people that keep repeating themselves...I don't want to be one of those people that keep repeating themselves...I don't want to be one of those people that...okay, I'm done with the lame joke now (it's late, what do you want from me?!).

I don't know, I just don't want to be 25 having achieved nothing.  Though it is a little late to be realising this.  Typical!  I'm hoping that I will wake up as a 25 year old with some form of an idea of where to go from here...you know, another year older, another year wiser.  Wouldn't that be something?

Anyway, I know this is kind of repeating what I've said before - and sadly I'm no closer to an answer - but I needed the ventage, so thank you for listening!

Bucketfuls of love & respect

Darkest
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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Comments

From: darkest_red
05/24/2011 16:41:54
Nice, show 'em what a girl can do!

I'm hoping it will come, I'm going a bit crazy currently!

Sadly I woke up no wiser so can't help you on that!

From: BrandiLea
05/23/2011 22:19:34
I know how you feel. I am 33 years old, I have a job, its ok. I spend the majority of my time at work loading a feedtruck and feeding approx. 2000 cows. I play in sh*t , and I do literally sh*t everyday. I am a mother of 3 children all of which I had when I was very young, my youngest is almost 10 and oldest just turned 14. I have survived a failed 11 year marriage. I was a stay at home mom all the years I was married. Try being thrown out into the working world at age 31 with not much experience. Took me awhile to find a job. I am thinking of going to college at some point...yes I know I am 33 and thinking of going to college, but hey, right now if I want mans money I gotta work a mans job. I am the only girl that works at the feedlot and only girl this man has ever hired, so I feel as if I have to prove that I can do everything they do, and maybe even better.  

I think you just haven't found what you are looking for yet, and one day it will come. Sometimes things are worth wait, and if you do wake up wiser at 25, let me know how you did it, maybe I can wake up wiser at 34.


From: darkest_red
05/23/2011 19:43:36

Very true!

From: vivalasvegas
05/22/2011 23:55:07
age ain't nuthin' but a social construct

From: darkest_red
05/22/2011 14:48:52
I do spend time with my friends without their partners too but I do find that even then they spend a lot of the time texting or talking about their partners so I still feel isolated!
I have joined a social group and have met up with members of that for coffee etc a few times but so far haven't really made any real connections with anyone.

I am grateful I have a job - I know so many aren't that fortunate - but you are completely right, it does sound kind of meaningless when it is so disheartening walking into the office every day!
I have thought about doing some volunteer work for a charity but have been working a lot lately so when work settles down more, I will look into it properly.

Thank you, I really appreciate your thoughts and your offer of more discussion!



From: mapman
05/22/2011 09:53:05
Hey, at least you are searching for some kind of meaning in your life--that in itself gives your life some meaning.  Deb and I have a somewhat opposite problem with our friends who are couples--one of them is always ready and willing to try new things and go new places, but the other is often a deadbeat and just wants to do the same old same old.  So we end up hanging out with single peope a lot, or just one person from a couple.  You might want to try some non-threatening singles scenes, but perhaps not the usual ones.  If you live in a city, there are many opportunities.  Ones we associate with (singles and couples accepted in some) are walking and hiking groups, urban explorers groups (trying new restaurants and visiting out of the way neighbourhoods), classical concert groups (includes pre-dinner, concert, and after glow), art museum groups, photography groups, writers' groups, martial arts, ballroom dancing, etc. etc.  If you are not in a city, then it might be more difficult to find these groups.  I know Detroit and Windsor have a lot, as does London, UK, and Albuquerque, NM, cities in which we hang out.  Deb does does some things on her own, too, as do I, so we are not always "coupled."

As to your job, I suppose most people would say that you are fortunate to have one.  However, that can sound meaningless if the job is either not fullfilling enough or not paying enough (or both).  Have you thought of volunteering for some activity?  For example, in a school, or perhaps a hospital or hospice?  I am just out of teaching after 29 years, and volunteering becomes a way of life in that job.  You have more fun with kids doing clubs and things outside of class than you do in class, and their creativity and energy knows no bounds.  Some of the best photos I have ever seen came from cameras held by sixth graders!  Just a thought.

Wish you luck on your path.  Feel free to message me or Deb for more discussion.
Mapman

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