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Even More about Death of Husband
Posted On 07/04/2008 12:19:43 by reddMary
Just can't go to the cremation.  I think I would make them stop it and force them to let me crawl in with him.  But I won't do that.  I'm alive, I still get hungry, I still have to sleep; all those things that people do while they are living.  I feel pain, guilt  and also rage.  I am mad at him for leaving me.  I am mad at me for the the unnecessary suffering I caused him over the years.  I am mad at the VA Hospital.  I feel that they killed him.     Laughter; remembering all the funny things that happened over the years.  Tears and fears.   Apologies, for this blog on the 4th of July but had to let it out.

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Viewing 1 - 7 out of 7 Comments

From: scott6305
07/05/2008 23:27:44
The VA killed my Dad by by FORGETTING to start his radiation treatment's!They finally started them three month's after they were supposed to.I really don't think he able to be saved,his cancer was to extensive.But it would have given him another year at least.I hope I never have to go there. 


From: littlered
07/04/2008 18:02:45

You have nothing to apologise for. All the emotions will come to the surface, it helps to let it all out!

We are still here.

Hugs. 

From: Juless
07/04/2008 16:34:42
Please never apologize for these, Mary; you need to do them and we need to know how you're doing.

I think all of this is normal, and I can also already see that you're a little tiny bit better, and so please, just keep writing.

We will keep being here for you and sending you our love and our hugs and our strength.


From: GingerNmytwo
07/04/2008 13:23:21

All I can say is I want you to know we are here for you. We are a sounding wall and mary, let it out. Tell us, we'll still care and we'll all still be here for you. Nothing you say about your feelings right now can make us turn our backs on you. You are such a good person and all these feelings are absolutely understandable. On this Fourth of July, I will keep you with me in thought and spirit as I'm sure many here will also do. Even if only in thought and spirit, many of us will be doing what we can to keep yours lifted...enough to make it through this. Keep venting for as long as you need and keep letting us be here for you as I can assure you...we are.

Much Love,

B 

From: Philly
07/04/2008 12:55:10

THe last thing we all want to do is to say goodbye, and yet in this case saying goodbye is part of the healing process.

As for your anger at yourself, I'll just say this, you were together as a couple for a long time, do you think that the way you treated him was the way he enjoyed being treated? here I speak as a man who loves being with redheads, if he wanted a simpering submissive, then he would have married a blonde, no he wanted the fire and the passion of a redhead, and by golly with you he got it 

As for the anger at the VA that is also understandable, you want someone to blame, and the VA is there in the firing line, they also understand this - they are even ready for the lawsuit you might file. They will settle, not because  they feel guilty, but because the closure this will give you is also part of the grieving process. 

It might be a very good idea to take a friend with you, someone to be with you, someone for support - this at the very least will stop you jumping in the coffin with him.

Take care, Mary, we are all with you.

Phil.

From: Redei
07/04/2008 12:47:54
Keep writing and feeling... thats how you'll get to another place... where you'll never forget but you recall the happy memories before the painful ones and that calms the soul....


From: BikerRed
07/04/2008 12:26:28
Mary, there's no wrong or right thing to do here....only you can answer that. Going will be upsetting but it can also be the start of the healing process.


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