THURSDAY 5 FEBRUARY – It’s pay day and that’s always a time I’m in the middle of a fast burning maze. Smoke hampers your escape, the flames beat you back. I firmly believe pay day increases my triggers and negativity 10 times. A split second all it takes to tempt pick up, seeing a lovely girl go into a wine bar when I can’t follow makes me isolated and unpopular. So today instead of 86400 triggers and temptations, I’ll battle 864000. I really enjoy socialising in pubs, the defences come down, and some engrossing conversations can take place. Now bars are a no go – at least for a year – what do I do with my time. I’m single and still up for it, but where’s the opposite sex. I’m not going flower arranging that’s for sure. I’m in a new town away from all and everyone I know. It’s winter so the only sanctuaries are indoors. It’s just not the same trying to chat someone up across the table of a (UK!!!) coffee shop, especially when there’s probably only three of you in there plus the sniggering waitress. I have to hammer home my tools for coping, and forget the flirting, I’ve survived more than 1800 triggers since starting to write today’s slog blog, aaaaah!!! Walk on, let it go and she’s fit – oh dear, there she goes again into the next pub along! When’s the next bus to the monastery?! Walk on, no matter how tempting the invitation. Let it go, fill yourself with negative thinking and you will appear negative and unattractive. She’s fit, but she’s not necessarily the one and there’s plenty more…the bus has arrived and I’m off for a bit of chanting. Until tomorrow.
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