As it's been awhile I figured I'd compile a list (because all the cool kids do it.) of some fun things to look forward to under an Islamic dictatorship:
- More available parking in the jewelry district
- Hustler goes "all-ankle"
- Zoos closed because chimps not adhering to laws of modesty
- Finally decent halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl (stonings/beheadings)
- The Suicide Bombers Exploding Revue ride at Universal Studios.
- City building inspectors greenlight all column work.
- Osama FINALLY dethrones Madison for most popular new kids name.
- 'Virgin' Pina Coladas mean free rein at the cocktail waitress.
- Winner of "America's Next Top Model" gets to marry a goat herder.
- Mixing with opposite sex without necessity will be banned - eliminating the Oxygen network.
- Queer Eye for the Vengeful Allah features the public blinding of all those who lay with men. You will also get a complete makeover.
- Sexual relations with your wife is a conjugal obligation - bad news for James Brolin.
- The Friar's Roast is an actual roast -- of all those old Jew comedians.
- Enterprise Rent-A-Mule.
- Tony Shaloub shot dead by obsessed fan in front of the Dakota; Fan seen holding "The Mullah in the Riyadh."
- In the Pretty Woman remake, Julia Roberts is stoned to death.
- In late model cars, integrated circuitry replaced with prayer rug.
- Global Warming is will of Allah. Al Gore beheaded for blaming science.
- France sends 100 foot statue of Abu Musab Al Zarqawi for New Mecca Harbor as sign of good will.
- Traffic accidents increase due to "gaze averting" low beam.
- Rosie O'Donnell will be in a burkha.
- George Clooney will have to permanently keep his Syriana beard.
- We can finally stop talking about 9/11 and those stupid conspiracy theories (but Cheney is still to blame.)
- We no longer have to wait till drunk to blame the jews.
- You save the equivalent of $300 per year on toilet paper.
- Honor killings give you something to do on weekends.
- Flogging courses taken during the summer counts toward college credit.
- Women aren't allowed to drive, unless accompanied by a suicide bomber.
- Used Toyota pickups now seat 40.
Can you add any to my festive list? I know you can!
xoxo
-r.
)
