I have nothing to say. I am keeping silent. I am staying this way because I am in no mood for backlash due to my observations. I am in no mood for BS. I am in no mood to even talk about how I am dismayed and disappointed in this world.

feck the fact that I am irritated beyond all that is imaginable today. AND I am entitled to feel this way because I am human. If you, reader, do not understand that, then piss off. If I am super pissy for no apparent reason - then there it is - I am super pissy for no apparent reason. Yet, there is always a reason and I do not care to discuss it. I would much rather prefer to sink in to the woodwork and see how things progress simply because this is my initial reaction - give me a couple of days and I might have a different perspective on a myriad of things.

Yet, remember, I am entitled to my feelings. Yes, sunny disposition or not, I have feelings. I also have a say in how my life goes - and well, feck the world, today. Do not ask me what the hell I am talking about because this is my blog and I shall write whatever I want to write and not explain it and you, kind reader, must deal with it.

I am entitled - pea pole!

I make no excuse for stupidity. I make no excuse for caring when I really don't want to. I make no excuse for the fact that I am amazing. Yes, I said that - I am amazing......I am wonderful too. It amazes me that people can just be the way they are.........honesty or not ..... and as appreciative of honesty, I am - IT STILL fecking HURTS because I am allowing myself to be the super sensitive person that I am. I may be strong but I am just as sensitive. feck. yeah - I am a dichotomy.......I'm a little bit of everything all rolled in to one amazing, funny, witty, sarcastic, intelligent, inherently beautiful woman both inside and out. I trust too easily, I fall too easily, I have a high self-efficacy but low self esteem. I believe in myself and know that I am capable of so much that sometimes I fail to even bother to try. Why would I if I am always walking in to walls?

I am dealing with a whole lot of BS and would like to espouse understanding and compassion but for one glimmer of one millisecond of one minute, of one hour of one day, I am letting it spew.

I am sick of hell - stop the ride I want to get off. I am sick of being the objectified person I've allowed myself to be. feck that - I am not a doormat, feck buddy, call me up on a lonely night kind of friend. I have more self respect than that. My feelings get in the way.........and well, MEN ONLY VALUE THAT WHICH THEY HAVE TO WORK FOR. If you want me - WORK for me. If you don't want me, then to feck with you. Live your life, rest, relax, reassure yourself that you did the right thing by running screaming and being a coward......

I'll accommodate but I am not about to get walked all over. This is the entire purpose of the conversation anyway. Ya know the conversation you are supposed to have that entails setting boundaries and discussing what you want. Not feeding in to the intensity and ignoring the repercussions until you are consumed by the intensity and want to get off the ride.

I'll say, I am understanding but I am completely consumed by my own anger at myself right now. COMPLETELY consumed. I have so much on my mind that at times it feels like it might POP off my head and land in East Jibrew. Yet, I live and learn every guldarned day of my life.

Have I ever told you that I absolutely loathe shopping? Well, there it is - I do. I hate going to the mall where there are crowds and crowds of people who bump in to me and don't dare to use appropriate manners to excuse themselves. People walk around this world as if they do not see the other humans in it.


Crap crap crapity crap crapity crap crap crap.

Divert to another subject, now, um....yeah. I am rambling to get this feeling out of my being. I do not enjoy being angry for no reason. There is no reason for me to be angry. There is no reason for me to have hurt feelings. And yet, I do - timing I suppose.

Holy Crikes - too many life changing events within the last 6 months have driven me way over the edge. aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh - running screaming in to the night.


I might just pull up that list I made a year and a half ago - the list that said all of the things I want in a man....re-read, revise, digitize, and refresh. I no longer want to be the best friend a guy can have and be that same best friend with benefits. That is definitely one thing I do not want. I do not want to be objectified. I know what I do not want. I do not want additional baggage to load on top of my already teetering pile of baggage.

I want what I want and I want it now.......but I do not want to rush

Tags: Eunice Crankyponts

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