Of all the emo things for me to do...
I can't seem to decide if its myself I hate or if its everyone I see on a day to day basis. People I used to be friends with are all of a sudden looking down on me....what did I do wrong? They grew differently than I did. I miss them more than I like to admit. I spend half my time these days pointing out their flaws to myself, trying to convince myself I don't want to be one of the 'popular kids'. I only have five months left of high school and all I can do is try my best to alienate myself from them because I can't stand the thought of becoming as cruel and superficial as they are. All I've succeeded in doing is seriously messing myself up. I'm now officially the loneliest person in my school.
This isn't how I wanted to remember my last year. I've scared away the only person I've ever loved. My friends don't know me anymore. My parents have no clue. I used to be such a good student, now I'm struggling just to barely pass my classes. I'm sick of dealing with myself. Its like I put on this mask and no one knows who I really am because who I really am scares me. Half the time I feel like a scared little girl, the rest of the time I feel twenty years older than everyone around me.
I am so sorry if anyone has actually read this. I'm trying to make sense of myself but I think I've only made things worse. I'm seriously sleep deprived...I think I have insomnia. I should get that checked out. Anyways....I sincerely apologize to the poor red headed community for having me as your representation in this place i'm forced to call home. Wow, feel free to put me out of my misery anytime soon. Maybe I'll just drive myself to the outskirts of town and leave myself there.
