I'm finding that I'm angry a lot lately. I'm angry at the Army. I'm angry at the government. I'm angry at Bush. I'm angry at the people who had even a small part in causing this war. I'm even sometimes angry at the people who are trying to help me through this and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Sometimes all I want to do is talk about what's going on with Richard and the Army and sometimes I don't even want to think about it. All I know is that I can't stop being angry.
Every time we get a little piece of information, it helps for a day or two. But then it starts all over again because half the time the information is wrong or there's a second, worse part they forgot to mention. What it all boils down to is that Richard and I have absolutely no say in what is going on in our lives for the next year and they won't even tell us what's happening.
It is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard to take a man who has four months left of IRR and who is on disability from an injury that he was discharged for in the first place and call him back to active duty with a months warning, retrain him at 5 different posts in 7 weeks and then talk about deploying him. It's insane. The leaking money sieve that is the Army, that supposedly can't even afford to give proper kevlar to all its soldiers, is spending an absolutely retarded sum of money to retrain my husband and then possibly spend even more money to send him overseas when they know damn well they have to let him out in a year. And let me tell you right now, if he's not back in a year, I will personally be knocking on the Whitehouse door and demanding an explanation and his plane ticket home.
I keep trying to find an upside to all of this and despite my usual ability to find the silver lining, I can't this time. There is no reason for this to be happening. And the worst part of it all is that if anyone deserves happiness, it's my husband. He is the best person I've ever known. He did his six years in the Army already and would have done his full eight if he hadn't had his injury. He's already spent two years overseas. How can they just come into your life and say, "Well, we know you just got married and you have a great job that you love and plans for the future and technically you've been out of the Army for 2 1/2 years...but feck you. We're taking that all away from you for as long as we say we need you."
Every time I hear the pain in my husband's voice and tell him again that everything will be alright, I get angrier because I know that somewhere out there are a whole bunch of people just sitting on their hands and letting this happen to god knows how many families.
My only comfort is that Rich will be home with me for Christmas and I can tell him in person how much I love him and that everything will still be ok. Even though I'll have to watch him leave again, not knowing when I'll see him next, at least we'll have this time to get us through to the next one.
I'm still angry. But I know at least that I finally have someone I can truly say I would do anything for. I love Richard like I have never loved another human being in my life. I only hope that he knows that and carries it with him wherever he may go.
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