So...five days into the new year already. That's kind of scary. The last year has just flown by, and by the looks of things, this year is going to be no different. I, for one, am glad that 2011, an extremely turbulant year for me, is over. If I could burn it and write "No!" with the ashes, I would happily do so. I'm not saying I hated 2011, but if it was on fire and I had a glass of water...I'd drink it.
Okay, I'm done now. Needless to say, 2011, not a good year for me. It seemed that every few months something would majorly raise my stress levels and it did kind of feel like I was drowning at times. A friend said that the meaning behind the number 11 is chaos, but that 12 means order. I don't know where that comes from, or how true it is, but judging by last year, let's hope it's accurate! I'm sure we could all use some order this year.
But enough of that. A new year, a new start. So 2012 is going to be about me. I don't mean that in a selfish "I'm going to ignore everyone else's wants and needs" kind of way, but I'm definitely at the point where I realise if I'm going to be happy then I need to sort my life out. That doesn't mean I'm going to be ignoring friends and family in favour of my own wants, but it does mean that I am going to have to do some things that I want to do, rather than questioning whether I should do something because of what someone else - usually my flatmate - will think or say. My mother has told me numerous times in the last 12 months that I need to make a life of my own, and there is definitely truth in that, or 20/30/40 years down the line I will be one of those crazy cat ladies (though hopefully I will at least be more original, a crazy lizard lady, or something) and wishing I'd done things differently. I certainly don't want that to happen. I hate the smell of cat food, for a start.
I haven't really done the whole New Years Resolution thing for a few years but I figure the start of a new chapter of my life - a long over-due chapter, I'm sure - seems like a relatively good time to do so, and if I put them into a written state of permanence, then it would seem there are less excuses not to make sure they get achieved. Ideally, by the end of the year I will have made some kind of life for myself, away from troubles with so-called friends, away from the past and away from the hold my ex still seems to have on me. So, here goes...
1. Physical Changes
A somewhat traditional one, I want to exercise regularly. This one is kind of cheating, as I did start exercising more regularly last year, but I figure it is a good idea to keep this one up. I would like to do at least an hour a day. As part of this, I am planning on starting to attend a Zumba class from next week.
This one shouldn't be that hard to achieve really as I most days I do about an hour anyway - though not today, as my plans seemed to fall apart as soon as I left work! - so it's more a matter of keeping that up than anything else.
2. Career Changes
I don't want to be one of those people that stay in a job they hate just because they are too scared to move on. That said, I have pretty much no idea what I would like to be doing instead, which does make it a bit tricky to go forward. However, I figure an interim plan isn't a bad thing, so when I have more money - I'm thinking in the spring, when there should be more over-time - I am planning on doing a Legal Secretary course. I was a legal secretary for a couple of years and did enjoy it. I have a qualification, but as that was a while ago, a more up-to-date one is needed if I'm really going to get back into it. Truth is, I'm not sure if it's really what I want to be doing, but I will certainly enjoy it more than my current job, it is better paid and over-all, it's just a much better job. If I then decide I do want to stay in legal, I may well go on to do a paralegal course next year. If I decide legal isn't for me, then at least it will give me some time to figure out what it is I DO want to do, but in a better paid role. That's the plan, anyway.
3. Personal Changes
Firstly, write more. I've had a long bout of pretty severe writer's block, but I am hoping that will all change this year. I don't mind what it is I'm writing - blogs, stories, anything else - but I do want to spend a proper amount of timing putting words to paper. I would like to finish the collection of short stories I am working on, but if not, then I would at least like to make a good start.
Secondly, I want to build up my social life. I have become stuck in a rut lately and my social life has, for the most part, grounded to a halt, which is definitely not good. I miss going out at the weekends and having fun. Perhaps I can't do that with the same people anymore, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't still do it. This might be a bit tricky as I'm not sure where to meet people and I am naturally very shy - hence the fact I rather favour hiding behind a computer screen! - but hopefully Zumba will be a good place to start. We shall see.
Finally, as part of that, I think I need to step back and really see my friendship with my flatmate as what it is: just that. He can be so much fun to hang around, and one of my favourite people in the world....but the other side of that, I realise that I am far too low on his priority list to really be any more than just the girl he shares a flat with. He was my best friend for a long time, but I can't spend the rest of my life watching him come and go as he desires and be okay with being his last resort to spend time with. I do mind and it isn't fair on me.
I think that is enough for now, though I may add some as and when I think of them.
Anyway, I realise it has been a while since I posted anything, so hope you have all had a fabulous Christmas and New Year and hopefully 2012 will bring good things for us all!
Love and respect,
Darkest
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