Lacrosse Sucks (Part 1)
Monday, February 2, 2009 at 12:16pm
Lacrosse sucks. I better get this out of the way first, which I don’t do, and that is that I’m not speaking of the town or county in Wisconsin or elsewhere. I’ve got no beef with La Crosse, but I’ve got beef with Lacrosse! The dumbest sport.
If you’re the type to classify Poker as a sport then Poker is the only sport to rival Lacrosse in the level of boring. I don’t. Poker isn’t a sport. Poker sucks.
Lacrosse sucks. Here’s a history lesson. Its a bullshit hybrid of everything boring in a handful of modern sports and played by dickwads. Fin.
Lacrosse sucks. In actuality, the game began some amount of moons ago when natives would play on teams of epic proportion over a two-or three day span says wikipedia. Sounded awesome. Then some Canuck named Beer annexed it and turned it into a quicker, simpler, more rule-oriented sport and I’m sure somewhere Zach de la Rocha is writing poetry between masturbation sessions of this 'shameful annexation'. Yeah right. You’re fifteen minutes are up and weren’t well constructed to begin with. Though I bought in, shamefully, and thus alienated myself throughout all of my high school tenure.
Lacrosse sucks. These days, Lacrossettes can be witnessed locally wearing skirts and tramping all over the XCEL Energy Center in-between the current NHL season. I believe this to be due to the sonically destructive amount of testosterone being juiced out whenever Backstrom swings his mighty stick in the face of rival Europeans-thus requiring to have a balance otherwise the foundation may crumble all over West 7th and thus more lameass Spider Man movies will have to film elsewhere. The vast immense amount of estrogen that accompanies everyone of us who witness this sport surely does the trick.
Lacrosse sucks. Its played with two teams of veterinarians with their dog catching nets throwing some sort of ball. That in itself is watered down handball, tennis, and ultimate frisbee. Its played on turf and goals are scored within hockey nets. Somewhere in Brazil assuredly a cat is being kicked by Pele.
Lacrosse sucks. Today’s game sounds to me like its being played by these campus jocks who are capable of working on their bodies in order to join up in a real sport, such as baseball, yet instead party in their dorms too often and are fake as feck. They’re often victims of depression due to too many smear-the-queer campaigns on the playground as youngsters and often give up on anything unless it deals with immediate self satisfaction or Ralph Nader. They’re often found with beer guts, Abercrombie shitwear, and listening to that meandering music sung by those tonedeaf feck. with bad haircuts.
Lacrosse sucks. I’m well aware that there is the capability of a fistfight breaking out during a Lacrosse game (so I’ve heard), in which case I might lean towards the sport in the future. Yet who the feck is happy with being known as the top Lacrosse goon?!?
I’m well aware that the terms 'Enforcer' and 'Agitator' come into play with hockey guys but these aint hockey guys, Shirley. Id much rather call the Lacrosse-dresser who fights as such a 'Goon' due to his weakness and lack of working on his weakness. That weakness being him in the sport of Lacrosse.
You want to know what a good hybrid sport is? Calcio Fiorentino. Look it up.
That’s a mans sport right there. Take a ball, I think, do something with it, and then have a bunch of guys box each other up for a good while and hope to feck that someone knew how to score a goal. That’s the impression Id gotten anyhow. shiznit makes rugby look like...well, Lacrosse. Lacrosse sucks.